Discovery
by FebruaryNight
Summary: No one can be strong all the time, that includes Lois. Clark is thrown into a hard situation, not sure how to deal with a new side of Lois, even if it's always been there. selfabuse Finished
1. Chapter 1

"Lois?"

"Move it Smallville, I'm in a hurry."

"To where?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes."

She paused her frame just a silhouette, with the yellow sky behind it. Her hand rested on the door frame. If he had seen her face he would have noticed its look of uncertainty.

She pivoted on her heel and walked out into the chilled morning air. It was his turn to stand in the doorway now. Watching her walk down the driveway and break into a run.

His eyes followed her watching as she kept running, never losing speed. Finally after what seemed like hours to him and seconds to her, she collapsed beside the road in exhaustion. His enhanced vision followed her movements as she stood, breaking into a run again, this time away from the road.

_She'll get lost,_ was his initial thought but he soon observed she knew exactly where she was going. She had done this so many times before.

Great trees loomed in front of her letting the rising sun shift and filter through their golden leaves. She glanced up watching squirrels hop branches, which would rustle under their weight.

She stopped in front of an evergreen. Sharp nettles clinging to every wispy branch. She bent before the tree recovering a silver boom box from the fallen liter beneath it.

Setting the boom box to the side she pressed play.

**You drive a pretty car  
You know how fine you are  
And nobody needs to say it  
They love the clothes you wear  
They compliment you and  
I just love the way you play it  
But the only thing you dream of  
Money can't buy for you  
And in my dreams I make your wish come true  
For the girl who has everything  
I bring you love, I bring you love  
'Cause the girl who has everything  
Can't get enough of my love**

_Ncync? _Clark let a small smirk float on his face, and then concentrated on his hearing and sight a bit more. He couldn't miss this! _Maybe she'll start to dance,_ he laughed to himself.

Lois took off her shirt revealing a sports bra that said "USA ARMY" in camo letters across the front. She stretched a little before swinging a large roundhouse kick at the tree, its branches swinging back from the force then whipping back at her. She dropped to the ground branches sweeping harmlessly above her head. They made a whistling sound as they cut the air. She loved that sound.

**Why do you run and hide?  
Say what you feel inside  
Why must you always fake it?  
Girl you need to understand  
Your heart's safe within my hands  
And I promise I'll never break it**

Her moves were swift and calculated just like her father had taught her. Don't let emotions get the best of you, fight with your mind and body, never with your heart. She threw punches, her arms avoiding the swaying branches always hitting the tree's trunk.

Clarks smile fell from his face just like her tears

She growled sending a high kick into the defending tree, its sprays of nettles coming back at her much faster than she had thought they would. They hit her hard across the face sending her to the ground.

Blood flowed in small streams down her cheek.

Clark took a step forward.

**I know that you still dream of what money can't buy for you  
And in my dreams I make your wish come true**

For the girl who has everything  
I bring you love, I bring you love  
'Cause the girl who has everything  
Can't get enough of my love

She lifted herself up spitting out blood and threw herself at the tree fists jabbing furiously, kicks flying low and high. She didn't bother to defend any of the tree's own attacks. She felt the pain and that's what she loved. It wasn't like the dull numb inside but it was fresher more real.

Clark walked to the end of his driveway not really seeing where he was going. Eyes only seeing Lois, body soiled with sweat, dirt, blood and worst of all tears.

**If you just let me try, my baby listen  
I'll help you find what you've been missing  
You gotta listen to your heart and not your mind**

For the girl who has everything  
I bring you love, I bring you love  
'Cause the girl who has everything  
Can't get enough of my love


	2. Chapter 2

This is what it felt, to lose control. She growled to herself, flinging her body against the tree. That stupid, stupid tree! She let the tears crawl down her face the salt making her cuts tingle. She sunk to her knees reaching for something else under her tree. A small red case.

Clark stopped walking.

She pulled a mirror from the bag. Watching herself intently, she harshly wiped the blood from her face with the heels of her hands. She pulled several skin colored creams from the bag next. Applying them to the cuts and the places she could feel bruises forming. She smiled at herself, flawless complexion restored. Next were her hands and torn bloody jeans. She wiped her hands on the inside of the black shirt she had been wearing before, pulling it over her head, smiling as she felt it stick to the scrapes across her torso. Then her jeans were replaced by another pair under the tree. Looking down at herself she smiled. Once everything was put away she ran back to the house.

Clark watched unsure of what to do. He couldn't say he saw her, how would that be explained and she wouldn't be telling him his frown deepened. Finally he walked back up the drive to sit on the porch and wait.

She stumbled up the steps, then catching a glance at him smirked.

"Contemplating the meaning of life Smallville?"

He looked up at her. "If I am?"

"Then perhaps you have more time on your hands than I thought you did."

He didn't look up at her with a glare like he usually would have.

"Lois we need to talk."

"Talk away."

"Where were you this morning?"

"Why did something happen?" panic was evident in her voice.

"No, where were you?"

"I went for a run, not that you need to know."

He looked up at her only to find her face completely clear of lies or guilt.

"Come here. You've got something on your face."

She looked at him, heart speeding up then slowing down, she walked over to stand before him.

"Yes?"

He reached out a large hand and grazed it across her face. She didn't flinch.

Now he stuck his thumb in his mouth.

"What is it Smallville? Only children suck their thumbs."

He pulled his wet digit from his mouth and ran it across her jaw. Revealing a bit of red beneath layer upon layer of makeup.

"What do you think your doing."

But by now his hand had enclosed around her arm dragging her inside the house.

He had to act clueless.

He now held her still while he brought wet paper towels to her face rubbing at the cover-up.

"Where did you get these?"

"Training."

"For what?"

"To stay fit."

"You don't need to injure yourself to stay fit."

"I didn't hurt myself."

His eyes met hers

"Who did then?"

"I…"


	3. Chapter 3

He took her hand in his squeezing it and leading her up the stairs.

"Let me see your hands"

He disappeared into the bathroom.

"Why?"

"Let me see them now Lois." He said softly while reappearing from the bathroom.

She glared at him

"Give me your hands right now."

His voice was serious and commanding.

She balled her fists in his bed sheets.

"Why should I?"

He reached over and pulled her hands from the sheets with as little force as possible.

He turned her hands over in his, rubbing away the makeup with his thumbs. He then turned them over rubbing at the knuckles.

"Lois?"

She wasn't looking at him.

"I'm going to call Chloe."

She looked back at him. Eyes cold and unforgiving.

"She needs to check if there's any other cuts or bruises."

He rubbed antiseptic on her knuckles and palms then wrapped her hands in white gauze.

"My parents are going to be back from Metropolis in a week. I'm going to call them next and give them a heads up. They'll call someone to help you."

"Don't."

He watched her facial expression remain the same. But he knew her well enough to know that she was screaming inside.

"Why not, give me a reason why this happened." She looked away, "You don't have one, do you? If you tell me everything, and I mean everything, I won't call anyone unless I find it necessary. That also means you have to get let me fix your cuts, if there are any others. No matter where they are. You got that?"

She shifted uneasily. "Yes." 

She played with the hem of her shirt. His large hands joined hers lifting the shirt over her head.

"Woah."

They hadn't looked this bad before. He ran his hand along the bottom of a deep sap invested scrape that ran from the middle of her rib cage to her hip.

"They have sap in them."

She was watching the sky. This wasn't her! She'd never let him do this. She would rather die than let him discover her weakness. All this He knew. He looked to her face. Maybe she was already dead.


	4. Chapter 4

He sat beside her the bed creaking under his weight. He lifted her into his lap. Her eyes stayed on the clouds.

"What happened?"

He was pushing her too far. She rested against his chest.

"You…aren't suppose to see this. It, just helps me. Training. There isn't anything wrong with it. I just get hurt a little. Dad…he…he always would train with…the same way. There's not anything wrong. Don't tell it's my secret. I don't want to see the way your mom would look at me. Her eyebrows drawn together, face all bent up with worry. It's…not wrong. It isn't."

She was talking more to herself than anyone else.

He looked down at her

"Why do you train?"

"It's better to get aggression out through training than it is to get it out on a person."

He looked at her and stood up.

"Get it out on me."

She looked up at him, "No."

"Why not? I won't hit back."

"I won't hit you, if I did, I'd rather you hit back."

He sat back down and brought her to lean against his chest again.

"Why do you train?"

"I already told you."

"We have an agreement, you tell me everything and I won't call unless it's necessary. Let's try again, why do you train?"

"I…depend on it."

Her eyes were starting to cloud over.

"It…it um, helps me stay sane…nothing's wrong with it."

"Something is wrong with it."

"What?"

"These cuts, these bruises, that's what! I won't stand back and let you do this to your self. Lois, please, please let me help. We can go running together, anything."

She studied the pattern on his bed sheets.

"No! Nothing. Is. Wrong. With. It!"

She pushed herself off the bed and ran for the door.

He got there first, "Lois, we have a deal," he reminded her again.

"Why do you train?"

She sunk to the floor, "I couldn't save her."

His eyebrows furrowed, "Couldn't save who?"

"Lucy…Momma was gone, and I should have been there for her! I should have been the mom. The better mom. I should have known things were going wrong, I should have stopped them. I couldn't save her," He sank down beside her. "She was all I had, she's gone now. I should have protected her and I couldn't," He brought her into a hug. She was just ranting now but it hurt to hear the desperation in her voice.

"It's okay, tell me more."

"I always saved her, and this time I couldn't," Her eyes were unfocussed now. "My baby sister I couldn't save her. She was hurting and I couldn't do anything. I couldn't beat up the bad-guy. I couldn't save her, I couldn't." Her whole body was shaking, and if the bruises had scared him this was scarring him twice as much.

"I know, I know," he whispered into her hair.

"I couldn't be the mom, I…couldn't…save…her...," she exhausted herself, falling asleep against Clark's chest.

He lifted her up placing her in the bed and getting in beside her. He ran a finger across a bruise on her cheek.

"You can't save everyone in the world."


End file.
